Memo Regarding Ward Churchill
(The following memo has been sent to the Useless Idiots Network in an attempt to energize support for Ward Churchill.)
MEMO
Date: 3/1/2005
From: Network Master
To: Network of Forward Thinking Elements Located in Amerika
Subject: Chief Ward Churchill
Recently, there have been scurrilous charges made by certain reactionary forces regarding Chief Ward Churchill. These groups maintain that Chief Churchill’s claim to Native American ethnicity is false. Our Network successfully influenced the University of Colorado to hire Chief Churchill. Now we must defend him with utmost energy on two levels:
1. Even if Chief Churchill were not Native American by virtue of birth, he is entitled to his claim because he has the consciousness of a Native American. Thus, just as Bill Clinton was recognized as the “First Black President”, Chief Churchill is a true Native American.
2. In fact, Ward Churchill is a full-blooded Chief of the Fuhgahwee Tribe. Below is a brief backgrounder on this tribe which you should use to debunk the disinformation campaign of the fascists.
According to ancient lore, the Fuhgahwee had their beginnings as part of the Caddo Chiefdom of the Mississippian Culture. The Caddo, an agricultural and partly urbanized civilization reached their high point around 1300 A.D. A period of turmoil followed and various groups dispersed and began to lead more nomadic lifestyles. The best known of these groups evolved into the Pawnee who settled mainly along the Platte River in Nebraska. The pre-cursors of the Fuhgahwee followed the Arkansas River upstream from the Mississippi to the area around present day Wichita, Kansas. There, they prospered, primarily due to the plentiful wild game, especially bison.
Around 1450 A.D., it is suspected a change in weather patterns caused the herds to drift westward up the Arkansas River Valley and some of the tribes followed. Legend has it that during a prolonged period of rain, mist and fog, one particular band became lost while wandering west, then north into the plains of eastern Colorado. Eventually they found themselves, under clearing skies, within sight of the snow capped peaks of the Rocky Mountains in the vicinity of modern Boulder, Colorado. Upon viewing these magnificent mountains, the elderly Chief remarked to his shaman that he had never been in this part of Kansas before. The shaman, also stunned by the sight of these mountains, replied, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” The Chief became so flustered by this possibility that he raised his arms to the sky and shouted, “Then where the F*** are we?” and immediately expired of a sudden heart attack. The people misunderstood the Chief’s words and believed he was proclaiming a new name for the tribe. Furthermore, his dramatic demise was taken as a confirming sign from the Great Spirit. So they began chanting “We’re the Fuhgahwee! We’re the Fuhgahwee!”
Ever since, the Fuhgahwee have been known as the most clueless of all tribes. And Chief Ward Churchill has proven by word and deed that he is entitled to be recognized as a full blooded member of the Boulder Band of the Colorado Fuhgahwee.
MEMO
Date: 3/1/2005
From: Network Master
To: Network of Forward Thinking Elements Located in Amerika
Subject: Chief Ward Churchill
Recently, there have been scurrilous charges made by certain reactionary forces regarding Chief Ward Churchill. These groups maintain that Chief Churchill’s claim to Native American ethnicity is false. Our Network successfully influenced the University of Colorado to hire Chief Churchill. Now we must defend him with utmost energy on two levels:
1. Even if Chief Churchill were not Native American by virtue of birth, he is entitled to his claim because he has the consciousness of a Native American. Thus, just as Bill Clinton was recognized as the “First Black President”, Chief Churchill is a true Native American.
2. In fact, Ward Churchill is a full-blooded Chief of the Fuhgahwee Tribe. Below is a brief backgrounder on this tribe which you should use to debunk the disinformation campaign of the fascists.
According to ancient lore, the Fuhgahwee had their beginnings as part of the Caddo Chiefdom of the Mississippian Culture. The Caddo, an agricultural and partly urbanized civilization reached their high point around 1300 A.D. A period of turmoil followed and various groups dispersed and began to lead more nomadic lifestyles. The best known of these groups evolved into the Pawnee who settled mainly along the Platte River in Nebraska. The pre-cursors of the Fuhgahwee followed the Arkansas River upstream from the Mississippi to the area around present day Wichita, Kansas. There, they prospered, primarily due to the plentiful wild game, especially bison.
Around 1450 A.D., it is suspected a change in weather patterns caused the herds to drift westward up the Arkansas River Valley and some of the tribes followed. Legend has it that during a prolonged period of rain, mist and fog, one particular band became lost while wandering west, then north into the plains of eastern Colorado. Eventually they found themselves, under clearing skies, within sight of the snow capped peaks of the Rocky Mountains in the vicinity of modern Boulder, Colorado. Upon viewing these magnificent mountains, the elderly Chief remarked to his shaman that he had never been in this part of Kansas before. The shaman, also stunned by the sight of these mountains, replied, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” The Chief became so flustered by this possibility that he raised his arms to the sky and shouted, “Then where the F*** are we?” and immediately expired of a sudden heart attack. The people misunderstood the Chief’s words and believed he was proclaiming a new name for the tribe. Furthermore, his dramatic demise was taken as a confirming sign from the Great Spirit. So they began chanting “We’re the Fuhgahwee! We’re the Fuhgahwee!”
Ever since, the Fuhgahwee have been known as the most clueless of all tribes. And Chief Ward Churchill has proven by word and deed that he is entitled to be recognized as a full blooded member of the Boulder Band of the Colorado Fuhgahwee.
posted by jimbo at 8:29 AM
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